Holy Womb

The universe was moving in one direction. Magnetic force. Spiritual ambience. Oneness. All in white, we creatures walked around seven times. My young 20-year-old self was drawn, without fully understanding, to the significance of this action. It was telling me something. I had faith that I would understand it one day, even if it took some time.

I was unsettled by the idea of walking from the holy mountains of Safaa to Marwa. It looked like a hallway at the time. Everyone around me was on a mission to get it done. Wait one moment. What am I supposed to feel? Again, I had faith that I would understand someday.

Sleeping in tents, the supplication of the day of Arafa’… from what I understood, was meant to be echoed under the open sky. But everyone was huddled in the tents or, if not, taking a smoke and socialising. I was utterly confused. Being me, I held my book, walked out of the tents, found a small edge, and began. I read it alone. No group chants. Just me. Gazed up into the sky. Spoke to my Lord. Wished for guidance to understand my purpose in this world. This is the one memory I hold onto. It’s clear now why I held onto it. I was in complete control. I took the initiative to leave the crowd and take my own journey. There is no script for how you should take your spiritual journey. I was only 20 years of age. It’s faith. God created me. God will guide me. God will take care of me.

Not long after, I was titled Hajji. It sounded too old for my liking but I didn’t really hear it much except from the elders. It’s holy.

Holy vibes were still in the air. So my husband and I made the decision that it was time. Before long, my womb was filled with a soul. A holy soul. A spirit that entered me at my point in life when I myself was a new spirit.

Two years into marriage. Two years into university. Pregnant. Did I make the wrong decision? Maybe too early. Maybe. Baby will be 10 when I’m 30.

In my holy womb, his name was written. I knew this baby boy would be the ambassador of Islam. The journey around the Holy Kaaba seven times couldn’t be just because — it’s because we will be the ones to move and journey towards God’s goodness. Goodness is what we will rise for. The journey was yet to unfold. I knew my faith would guide me. My holy womb would make a significant contribution and no doubt carry the legacy.

I don’t think there is a greater goal than raising a child. Mum and dad, like always, stood by my side.

University achieved. Job achieved. He is 3 with a little sister. The pages of life continue to turn.